Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
I hope that this series is of interest to you and that you are gaining something from my videos and pages on this subject. It can be difficult when people that are close to you say things that are hurtful. I am trying to give different scenarios and situations, to help show what can be thrown-up.
Remember that I am quite far into my journey (being burned in 1984) so if you are at the start of your journey, I can understand that you might not fully feel the way that I do or even be able to respond the way that I do/did. Everyone is different and everyone is on their own path. I am here to try and make that path a bit easier for you by sharing my experiences.
Have you seen the other pages/videos in this series? Please click below to view and read on:
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 1)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 2)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 3)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 4)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 5)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 6)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 7)
This next story that I am going to tell, is when a friend at work said something that really hurt me. I still am unsure whether she really meant it or not. She liked getting attention and would do and say things to get it…she also was not the most tactful of people.
Please have a look at this video below and read on for more information:
A national newspaper had covered my story (yet again – there were developments with the court case and they wanted to raise awareness). If you are new here, I was burned in a gas explosion in Spain in 1984. If you haven’t already read “my story”, please click on the link below:
The photo that was published in the newspaper to go along with the story was definitely not flattering, it wasn’t meant to be. The photographer was lovely with me though. He very gently said that the photo needed to show my injuries, which I understood. It was very close up and it included my “claw” hand.
What my hand looks like now (taken in 2018).
Unfortunately, I cannot find this photo but here is a photo of what my hand looks like.
I was talking about the photograph at work and how it had upset me. Everyone was really supportive, except for this one “friend”/workmate. She said: “Yeah, you must be like, who is that monster”? I was very taken aback by what she said, I couldn’t answer her, I was already upset.
Others asked what was wrong and I explained (one person having heard what had been said). Everyone was again, very supportive and a few of my other friends/workmates were not happy with her at all. They said though, that I needed to tell her how I felt and how she had upset me, and how her comment was very inappropriate, especially as I was telling everyone, including her, how upset I was with the photograph. I mean, it’s a big deal having not a very flattering photo put in a national newspaper for all to see.
To let you understand, this was maybe 15 years ago (this being 2019) and I was not as confident as I am today; I now have no problem with showing you photos of what I looked like. All those years ago, there was no way I would have done a YouTube channel with no make-up on…I have come a long way since then.
Anyway, after she came back from a few days holiday, I decided to speak to her, to tell her how upset she had made me and although she may not have meant it, she needed to understand what she had said, and how it had affected me. I also felt I needed to do it for others as well; she was not the most sensitive of souls and I had heard her in the past making inappropriate comments to others.
I spoke to her alone and she started crying, and said that this was some welcome back after she had had a great break. I then felt terrible. I was making someone cry, this was not my intention at all but still, she needed to know how I felt. There was no point in me moaning about it, then not taking action, especially as I had the support of my colleagues.
One of my friend’s mum said to me: “Oh yeah, so she was trying to turn it around, it was like, oh, you have to feel sorry for me now”. I could see why my friend’s mum would have thought that but I really don’t think that was her intention. I just think, that again, she was being thoughtless. I was trying to make her understand that her thoughtless words did hurt and to maybe think the next time before she spoke, not just with me but with others.
I didn’t say much more to her, what was the point? She was never going to understand what I was trying to say to her. She just kept crying and turning the situation onto her. At least I tried.
I think I am trying to show here that even by confronting someone, it might not give you the desired effect or the outcome that you were hoping for. All the same, I am glad that I did say something, as it might have festered away, especially when we worked together and did socialise after work every few weeks.
So, in this instance, I did say something, not at the time but after a few days and after much thought on what I was going to say. It didn’t have the outcome I was hoping for; which was for this person to realise what she had said and acknowledge that it had hurt me. I wasn’t looking for an apology as such but more of an awareness.
She maybe did think about it afterwards…I hope so.
Stay strong and we’ll chat soon.