Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
I hope that this series has been helpful to you, I may add more content in the future. If you haven’t seen the other pages/videos, please click on the links below:
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 1)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 2)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 3)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 4)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 5)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 6)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 7)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 8)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 9)
WHEN FAMILY/FRIENDS HURT (PART 10)
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN PEOPLE SAY HURTFUL COMMENTS TO YOU RELATING TO YOUR SCARS/BURNS/DISFIGUREMENT/ALTERED BODY IMAGE?
Please watch this video and read on for more information:
It is horrible when ANYONE says something hurtful to you, either meant or not. It can be especially hurtful when it comes from someone that is close to you because you think; “you should know better, as you know me, you know what I have gone through”. Try to bear in mind though, that the closer people are to you, the more they will see YOU and not your scars, etc.
Sometimes though, as I have shown in past pages/videos, there are instances where you feel that the person did mean what they said and then there are others where the person has just been utterly thoughtless.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THESE HURTFUL COMMENTS?
As I have said before, it will all depend on who said it, the situation, how you feel on that particular day, etc. Sometimes, you will retort back without thinking and other times, you will say nothing, as you are so shocked that someone has actually said this to you.
Again, sometimes things “just slip out” and are not meant; we have all said something that we have regretted and didn’t mean.
I think if there is any advice that I can give when dealing with family/friends, in general; if it is a “one off” comment, then maybe let it go, unless it has really hurt you, then yeah, I would say that it might be best to deal with it.
If it keeps on happening though, I think then you have to have “a word” with them.
You could wait until the next time that they say something to you and deal with it there and then, maybe ask them to explain their comment, try and keep calm and talk slowly (even though you may be hurt and angry inside). Try to listen to them and take on board what they are saying before you respond.
Once they have had their say; explain why these comments are hurting you. Don’t let them turn it around to blame you, especially if they get upset or try to say that it is you that is being too sensitive. They have NO idea what you have to go through on a daily basis.
OR
You can wait until later, until YOU are feeling ready to deal with it. Sometimes it is better to “let the dust settle”, to wait until emotions are not so high before you deal with the issue. As long as you don’t keep letting it go, whereby it never gets dealt with.
ALSO
If you don’t feel comfortable dealing with it on your own, you could ask someone else to be there with you; remember that these are people whom are close to you and hopefully, you will be able to talk to them.
OR
If you do not feel comfortable at all dealing with it on your own, you could ask someone else to talk to the other person for you? Obviously explaining to this person what you would like to be said.
OR
Ask someone to speak for you but you be there, so that if you do find the confidence to speak, you then can, with support.
OR
Ask someone to speak on your behalf if they are there the next time something is said to you by this person. For example; if something out of order is said, this other person could speak up, saying something like:
“That wasn’t funny”.
“I think you should apologise for that comment”.
“Why are you saying such things”?
OR
Writing a letter to this person, explaining how you feel…don’t apologise for not saying it to them in person. Remember that it is YOU on the receiving end of these comments…not the other way around. Maybe just by writing it down will be enough, you may not want to give the letter to the person, at least you will have expressed how you feel.
OR
You can simply verbalise. What I mean by this, is to pretend that the person is in front of you. Talk, as if they were there, say exactly how you feel. Again, as with writing the letter and not giving it to the person, you are expressing your feelings, “getting it out”.
This is hard…I know…it has happened/is happening to me. Don’t apologise for the way that you feel…these people are not apologising for their behaviour and they are the ones that are behaving inappropriately.
I am trying to let you see that it is ok to be upset by what is happening and it is ok to deal with it. I think to myself sometimes: “Would I let a stranger off saying these things to me”?
Overall though, try not to hold onto these feelings of hurt and anger for too long. Yes, it is ok to feel these emotions and you are entitled to feel the way you do but try not to hold onto them for too long, you are only hurting yourself.
In this series, I have given you a few scenarios that I have come across. Each different but I hope it shows you the diversity of what can be said and how you may want to deal with situations.
Again, everyone is different and everyone will have their own different experiences, I just hope that in some way, I have helped you.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I was reading through posts on social media and a couple of quotes struck a chord with me. I can’t remember them exactly but I’ll try and give you the “jist” of what they were saying:
One was saying that you can be a nice person but can also be someone that does not put up with bulls**t.
The other one said something like; stop making excuses for people, they know exactly what they are doing.
Therefore; if someone is repeatedly hurting you, you can still be a nice person but deal with it and also, bear in mind, some people do know what they are doing. Don’t apologise for keeping yourself protected.
All these things that happen are learning experiences and as long as we learn from them and not hold onto negative thoughts and feelings that we have towards these instances, I think we are doing a pretty good job.
Stay strong and we’ll speak soon.