WEARING SCARS WITH CONFIDENCE (PART 1)

Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.

GOING OUT WEARING SCARS

After I posted the page/video where I spoke about the anxieties that may be faced after isolation and wearing a mask/taking it off, I thought I would do a series on confidence and going out wearing scars.

Please click on the link below to view the page I refer to above:

BURN SURVIVOR: SELF-ISOLATING (AFTERWARDS)

Please watch the video and/or read on:

After you have been through any trauma that leaves you with a visible difference, you may feel that you never want to go outside again, you may feel that you never want to face people again.  You can’t handle the stares, the questions, people ignoring you.

You will have probably have heard the saying:  “It’s just human nature to look”; when we see something different but it’s horrible when you are on the receiving end of this.

So ok, it is normal for people to look, however; it is not normal for people to be ignorant, there is a difference. 

There is looking and then there is looking, looking again, then again, then going round a shop a few times, just so they can get another look.  Then nudging their friends to tell them:  “Look at her”!

My mum once explained to me; if you see something different, anything, maybe a huge red balloon say, it takes your eye, you look twice.  This happened to me a lot!  My face was extremely red, with very thick scarring…..people did look and did look again, they did stare, they did point.  It was horrible.  By the way, was my mum referring to my face as a big red balloon…lol?

In the early days, I would get “day release” from hospital, then overnight stays at home.  The very first time I went for a walk in my village was ok, as everyone knew me and knew what had happened.  So I coped with that not too badly.  I have to say that my family, friends, and the village I lived in; everyone was amazing, even the high school that I attended, it all made a huge difference to my recovery.

The next outing would be to the larger town, people had heard and read about what happened, as our “accident” had been reported in the local and national press.  So, the next step, the town.  It was awful.  I kept the large hood of my jacket up the whole time, staring at the ground, with my mum and dad guiding me through the crowds.  What they must have been feeling as well, this must have been terrible for them too.

I would not go into a shop until my mum and dad had made sure that there was no one else in there.  I remember on the first outing to the larger town, going into a shop to buy boots.  My mum explained to the sales assistant that it was my first time out in town.  She was really kind with me.

It was hard but I had done it…another hurdle overcame.

My mum gave me a great bit of advice, she said:  “The more people that see you, the better for you”.  It did make sense to me.  I thought, well, if I show my face, more people will see me and the more I will get used to the stares.

This is really hard I know.  If you are at the start of your burn journey, you may feel that you will never be able to do it…but you will.

I will be honest, I don’t think I really got used to it in the early years.  I just learned how to cope with it better.  I think it all depends on how you are feeling that day.  Sometimes it would not bother me but on other days it would really upset me.

I think I accepted the way I looked better than the public.  It was the stares that would get on top of me.  I would get fed-up, as every time I went out, there would be the stares.  Just once I wanted to go out without being stared at.

Not everyone is like this though and there are some lovely people out there.

Along with other parts of my body, my face was heavily scarred.  My scars showed.  I have given thought to others whose scars are not as visible.  They can be dismissed, as if nothing has happened to them, as their scars cannot be seen.

Maybe in the short-term it is harder for people who have scars that are visible but in the longer-term is it easier?  This will depend where you scars are.  It was totally horrible to wear my scars on my face at first and yes, it did get easier but people still stared and that was a lot to cope with, especially as a teenager.

I cannot talk for others whose scars cannot be seen but I want to acknowledge that it must be terrible for you too, especially if you take a piece of clothing off and then your scars are visible.

We all have a journey, I just hope, in some way, I am helping you on yours.

Stay safe, stay strong, and we’ll chat soon.