Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
First of all, please remember that I am writing this from a teenager’s point of view. My parents, family, and friends were amazing with me, they still are, and as I have said before, I shall be eternally thankful to them all.
Have you seen the other “Teenage Stuff” videos? If not, you can watch them by clicking the links below or you might just fancy another look at them:
TEENAGE STUFF (PART 1) – BEING LEFT OUT AFTER BEING BURNED
TEENAGE STUFF (PART 2) – MISSING OUT AFTER BEING BURNED
TEENAGE STUFF (PART 3) – EMPLOYMENT AFTER DISFIGUREMENT
TEENAGE STUFF (PART 4) SHOWING MY HAND
TEENAGE STUFF (PART 5) – NOT OBTAINING YOUR DREAMS
Here I explain how it felt to be a disfigured teenager. I was severely burned in a gas explosion when I was 13 years old, whilst on my first ever holiday abroad. I felt that my parents were too over-protective towards me after I was discharged from hospital.
Please watch this video and read on for more of the story:
I can now understand why but while I was going through it, I just could not understand the control and why they [my parents] seemed to be so annoyed with me, just for doing ordinary teenage things.
I remember my mum telling me off for washing my hair every day and sometimes twice a day (ok, maybe a bit excessive) but it was the only thing, at that time, which I felt that I could do to make myself look better. I felt that she never quite understood.
My parents ALWAYS had to know where I was (ok, this can be a normal teenage thing) but I felt that I was being suffocated. I grew-up in a small village where everyone knew me and everyone knew what had happened to me; on one hand this was great, as they all looked out for me, and it made going back out into my local community so much easier. The people in the village were and still are amazing; they know how to rally round when something happens. On the other hand though because everyone knew me, I felt that I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without someone (as I felt) “reporting” back to my parents. Looking back, they were only saying to my parents in passing: “Oh, I saw Michelle the other day/night”. My parents would then ask where and when, and if it didn’t match-up to where I said that I was going to be, there were questions and I was in trouble.
I was a teenager, plans changed; I could arrange to meet my friends somewhere and then it was decided that we should go somewhere else or to someone else’s house, these things happened.
I mean, would it have been fair to say to my friends that they couldn’t do something, as my parents would be annoyed at me because the plans had now changed…no way! I felt my friends had already made allowances for me and why should I demand more? I am not saying that my friends minded, as they didn’t, they were great but why should their plans still revolve around me, well actually, my parents?
There were instances where I would make my excuses and leave wherever I was because I knew that if my parents found out that I wasn’t where I said I was going to be, I would be in trouble. There just didn’t seem any point in it. I would rather come home than be in trouble.
One instance in particular sticks in my head; there was a community BBQ happening in the woods near where I lived. My parents had obviously saw my friends and I walk up the hill, towards where the event was taking place. One of our friends had fallen out with another (the way teenagers do) a friend and I said that we would go to their house to try and smooth things over. I knew in my heart that my parents would be watching from the house the whole time. After dealing with the situation and things had been sorted, we decided to go back up to the woods to enjoy the rest of the evening. I just knew that my parents would have seen me passing the house again. Halfway there, I decided to turn around. I wasn’t going to enjoy the rest of the evening, knowing that I would be “quizzed” when I got back home. Sure enough, when I walked into the house, my mum looked really annoyed. She asked me: “Why are you back”? I said that I would rather “face the music” just now, than wait until later. She replied: “What do you mean, face the music”? She knew exactly what I meant. She then proceeded to give me a telling off, as she had watched me go back and forth.
I felt like I just couldn’t win.
I was actually speaking to my mum about this recently. She agreed that it must have been horrible. I said that I now understand why they were doing it; they nearly lost me but to me at the time, it was suffocating and I just felt that I could do nothing right.
I know my parents were just being protective of me. I was their only child and had been involved in a terrible gas explosion, where two people had lost their lives (one of which was my dad’s mum) and had left me with permanent disfigurement. I know they must have been scared that something else was going to happen to me but I felt suffocated and nobody understood.
Again, here I was, DIFFERENT!
Even when I got older, I still had to be in at night at quite an early time. My maternal gran even joked about it, every birthday she would say: “Oh great, Michelle, you may be allowed to stay out an extra half hour at night”.
As I was nearing the end of my teens, I passed my driving test and got my first car. GREAT I thought. Here was my escape. It was brilliant, a whole new world was opening up for me. My friends and I would go out nearly every night, and at weekends me and my friends would get together, and see where we could discover next. I loved it…but you guessed it…I got into trouble about this as well. I would be told: “You are hardly in now since you got that car”…hhhhhmmmmmm I wonder why? LOL.
I still had to be in by a certain time. Even when I got a job and was earning money. There was still a curfew. So when I reached my early twenties, I knew it was time to go. I HAD to get a place of my own. The control didn’t really stop there though, my parents still tried to tell me what to have/do in my flat but at least it was mine and I could shut the door…PEACE! LOL!
I am not ungrateful at all, as I have said, I shall be eternally thankful to my parents for the care that they gave me, I just wished the experience wasn’t as “intense”. I realise that this was totally new to them too and they were not given an “After Burns Handbook” when I was discharged from the hospital.
My mum recently took ill and the shoe was on the other foot…lol. Obviously, I didn’t have to look after her for anywhere near the length of time that she looked after me but it gave me an insight into what my mum had to go through. Every day she was left to take care of me, with no real help (there was a District Nurse that came in but she was more hindrance than help…well the one that came in the most was). There was another District Nurse that came in on the odd days and she was great. I will speak about this in more depth about health care professionals (ninety-nine percent are excellent) but I did come across the odd one or two that did not help at all. I will explain on another page/video how I dealt with them.
If you are a teenager, try to understand why your parent(s)/carer(s) are doing what they are. If you are a carer for someone who is burned/scarred/disfigured; please try to understand what they are going through…hard I know…for both sides.
If there is any advice that I can give, it would be to TALK TO EACH OTHER. Even if it has to be with someone else there; both parties can explain how they feel and hopefully each will come away having a better understanding of what each other is going through, and their needs.
Good luck, have patience with each other, you all can get through this.
Stay strong and we’ll chat soon.