Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
If you want to view the other pages in this series, please click on the links below:
Please watch the video below and read on:
Your altered body image, your visible difference, your burn injury, whatever…is something that you had no control over, you didn’t ask for it. Sometimes people need reminding that something like this can happen to anyone at any time. I have said before, I would never wish anything like this on anyone, however, none of us know what is around the corner and I feel people should be more mindful of this. I mean, I went on my first holiday abroad and on arrival, our apartment exploded; severely burning myself and my cousin, and killing my gran and her friend. People need to be more aware of their words and actions, and consider the consequences of these.
Speaking to people about their actions and words doesn’t come easy, your confidence won’t grow overnight. Sometimes it is better to walk away and sometimes you will feel that you need to say something.
I sometimes still get upset, so don’t worry about it, this is natural. Sometimes I will laugh. This reminds me of a time that Chris, my husband and I were in a restaurant, and as we passed a table, a girl literally choked on her drink because of the way I looked. I just laughed and said to Chris, quite loudly: “Did you see her choking on her drink”?
You can chose how you want to handle each and every situation. It will come down to how you are feeling on that particular day and what else has happened on that day. There are numerous different ways of dealing with comments and stares.
I do understand that it all takes confidence to say things and it can be hard to confront people, especially if you are on your own. Your confidence will grow, however, I have found that it is better to have practiced what you are going to say, rather than just “off the cuff”, which can sometimes lead to upset, anger, frustration, and you may not come across the way that you intended.
In time, as I got used to living with my scars, I found different ways of dealing with the stares and comments, and I’m going to try and help you deal with these situations.
There are no right or wrong answers; it’s more like “try it and see”. What works for you one day, may not work another day.
It will depend with how comfortable you feel when the situation arises and again, on the way that you are feeling on that particular day.
The thing is, you will find what is right for you and you will tend to stick to those coping mechanisms, albeit, they may not work every time. There will always be times when you will be caught off guard or are just having a bad day, which is fine.
HOW DO WE DEAL WITH COMMENTS AND STARES, WHAT DO WE SAY?
Non-Verbal
Say nothing and walk away. This is showing them that you heard what they said and will give them no more attention.
The next three; you are letting them know that again, you heard and are not happy with their comments:
Look at them with a serious face.
Look at them and raise your eyebrows.
Look at them and frown.
You could write out what you would like to say to people, then practice it, even keeping the list with you, so that you can refer to it when needed:
“Excuse me, your constant stares are becoming embarrassing to me”.
“Could you please stop staring at me”.
“I can see by your stares, you are obviously concerned for my wellbeing. Would you like to find out more about what happened to me”?
“It’s not nice to say these things to people, especially regarding the way someone looks”.
“You would not like these things being said to you”.
You will obviously get different reactions; people may walk away (awesome, job done, no more stares) they may get embarrassed and have no idea what to do next, or they may actually ask you to tell them more.
As I have said before, it will all depend on that particular day, the best thing is to walk away, however, sometimes things need to be said and you may feel that you want to say something. I think the key here is EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION.
ALWAYS REMEMBER, IT IS THEIR PROBLEM AND NOT YOURS, IT SHOWS THEIR OWN INSECURITIES
Below is a link to another of my pages where you can find further help and also a link to the DAN’S FUND FOR BURNS website, where you will find the online weekly chat for anyone that has been affected by a burn injury:
https://www.dansfundforburns.org/