Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
So, as you know, I was burned in a gas explosion when I was 13 years old, on my first holiday abroad to Spain.
I want to talk to you about an instance that I found myself in, whereby I gave someone, what I thought was a compliment and then they turned it around, “attacking” my make-up…
Please watch the video below and read on:
I was out in a rock pub years after the “accident” and felt I was in a good place. I was just getting to really know my now husband (Chris) and we were in one of our favourite places. The music was great, atmosphere was great, and all was well. Chris and I got chatting to a group of guys, at first everything was fine, until I compared one of the group to a celebrity I thought that he looked like, and more so because this particular guy was funny, as was the celebrity. I thought I had given him a compliment. He didn’t think so. Instead of telling me that he was offended, he turned around to me and said that my make-up was horrible, that I didn’t know what I was doing with it, and that his girlfriend was much better at doing hers. I thought: “OK, she maybe is better at her make-up but is your girlfriend scarred?
I was a bit taken aback and I told him that if he knew what was under my make-up he would change his mind. I explained that I had been burned and that underneath my make-up was a lot of scars and different skin tones. I stood my ground and said that my make-up was very good, I was proud of what I was able to achieve with it, and that I was proud of who I was.
He changed his tune, he didn’t apologise but went onto tell me that he used to be a very active guy and that he had put on a lot of weight after he was in an accident; I think he had broken his leg and couldn’t be as active as he once had been.
So after what I thought could have ended badly, he actually felt that he could open up to me about what had happened to him. We ended up having a really good night.
Afterwards though, I then thought that I had done to him, what sometimes people had done to me. I didn’t want him to feel bad and I truly didn’t mean to insult or hurt him, I truly thought I was giving him a compliment.
BURN SURVIVOR; RECEIVING A BACKHANDED COMMENT?
I started a new course at college and everyone was to stand up and say something about themselves. I had had to do this a few years before, so I thought, maybe just use the same “speech”, whereby I told everyone what had happened to me, not to get sympathy but to get past that first awkward thinking…”wonder what happened to her” to…”now you know, can we all get to know each other”? Anyway, I decided to do this (it was with a more mature group of people). A while afterwards the men of the group told me that they had all been talking and said that I would have been a beautiful girl if I hadn’t been burned. Then one of them said: “Then we thought, she is a beautiful girl”.
It was lovely of them to tell me this and they meant no malice by it. Just like I had not meant any with the guy in the bar. We each thought that we were giving compliments. I got on really well with the people on my course and it never was an issue again, in fact, I don’t think we ever spoke about it again. It just didn’t matter, I had reached my goal. Let’s get to know each other without the “scars” being an issue.
I think also to bear in mind that, even in “normal” circumstances, as with the guy in the bar, we never truly know what someone has been through/is going through. Sometimes the scars don’t show.
Stay strong and we’ll chat soon.