Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
Please watch this video below and read on for a little more:
This is a weird one…when people deny what has happened to you or say that you are not disfigured, etc.
There was one instance where I was in someone else’s house having dinner and there was a gentleman there, who I got on very well with. He had had one of his legs amputated and although not open about how he had lost it, one of his friend’s told me that he would be quite funny regarding the fact that he only had one leg. They told me that he would make quite sharp and quick comments, which were very funny. In saying this, he never made a big deal of it either.
What my hand looks like now (2019).
I can’t even remember what exactly the conversation was about but I had mentioned my hand, which received fourth degree burns and which I describe as “claw like. This particular gentleman said: “That’s not disabled…this is disabled”…looking down at his missing leg. No one really laughed and I wasn’t too sure if he was just being funny or meant it but I was thinking; “sorry sir but I am”.
How dare someone say that! Everyone is different and no one should put down what you have been through or to what extent your disfigurement/disablement is.
Knowing what I had been told, I thought; “ok”, he is probably being funny. I kind of laughed but was a bit hurt, as in my eyes, I am disfigured and do have a disablement. I wanted to say: “Well, when I’m trying to do small, intricate jobs that my hand can’t get around, yeah, I am disabled”. I actually got a little hurt. It was like everything I had gone through was being taken away from me. I felt like he was saying that because my injuries were not as large as his, mine “didn’t qualify”. I know this might sound weird but it is how I felt. Maybe some will say that I was being a little sensitive…ok maybe I was but it was how I felt at the time. I still do to be honest…lol. I didn’t go through all this for someone to say: “No you’re not”.
Because I was not as disabled as him, it was like I had no idea what it was like to have a disability or to be stared at. I took it a bit to heart.
I was in no way looking for sympathy but more recognition. I have had people compare their broken wrist to my hand but I don’t dismiss them. To them, at that time, they are disabled, as they are struggling to do what they would normally do.
I’ll tell you about another similar instance; there was someone else, who again, knew what I had gone through, etc., and he said that he did not look at me as disfigured or disabled…..hhhhmmmmm, well I am and again, try telling that to me when I am struggling with intricate tasks, or when people are staring at me.
He was maybe trying to be nice but by not recognising what I had been through or by saying that I was not disfigured or disabled, I felt that it was a “put down” comment. When I said that I actually was, he waved his hand, as if to dismiss my comment and said: “No you’re not”. I was screaming inside: “I AM”!!! Again…it felt like someone was trying to take away what had happened to me/what I had gone through/what I go through on a daily basis.
By telling you these stories, I am just trying to demonstrate situations that you may come across and by doing so, maybe let you get a little prepared for what can be said, and how you may want to deal with these scenarios.
It can all depend on how you are feeling that day and who is around you. I just dealt with it by saying: “I actually am” but I was in someone else’s house both times and left the conversation where it was.
I am not saying that I want anyone’s pity, I just don’t want dismissed. I have went through a lot and don’t want people telling me that I am not disfigured, etc., because the truth is, I AM! I don’t want to be labelled, I just want recognised.
I want to say to these people: “Walk a day in my shoes and come back and talk to me”…lol.
Stay strong and we’ll chat soon.