Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
There are quite a lot of examples that I want to share with you, therefore, I have cut this topic into sections.
Being a burn survivor; sometimes friends/family can say things that they don’t really mean. You will learn to tell the difference between people saying things and then thinking: “Oh, I didn’t mean that” and others saying things just to be horrible.
Again, bear in mind though, that things do slip out. I mean, we have all said things that we have regretted later or at the actual time, and think; “if I say anything else, it might make matters worse”.
People will sometimes say things without thinking and it is hard not to take it to heart. If it does bother you that much, should you say something? It’s hard to try and wonder beforehand how you would react, as every scenario is different, it can even just depend on how you are feeling on that specific day.
I think also you can take it a bit harder than if it was a stranger saying these things to you, as they [your family/friends] know what you have been through.
Please watch this video and read on:
Below is the first example I want to talk to you about:
A college friend said to me, while I was standing at the bus stop: “Oh, it’s you Michelle, I thought it was an old woman standing there”. I was quite taken aback at what she had said. I was at a point where I thought I was getting better looking and for someone to say this to me, was a bit of a knock back.
I told my mum and she understandably got a bit annoyed by this and said that I should say something to this girl the next time we met. The next day this particular girl wasn’t there but I told another “college friend” what had happened and that I was going to say something. She said to me: “What are you going to say; oh, you said that I looked like an old woman”? I agreed with her that it sounded silly. She advised me to leave it be, which I did. I explained everything to my mum and she agreed also.
Sometimes, to step back and take stock of what has happened is a good thing, therefore, on this occasion, I decided to do nothing. It didn’t stop it from hurting for a while and I would catch myself looking in the mirror and try to see what this girl had seen…where was the old woman?
Recently (2019) I got a chance to talk to other burn survivors and one person told a story where she would be mistaken for her daughter’s grandmother but in fact, she was her mother. This obviously hurt her.
I TOTALLY related to this story. Our burn scars can sometimes look like “wrinkles” and this was what I think this girl saw that day in me. I was still experimenting with my make-up and I was a long way off from finding the correct foundation; making my scars look worse?
I got over being called an “old woman”, what is the point on hanging onto something negative?
In fact, a doctor from the Plastics Unit was looking through some of my photographs when I attended for an appointment; I would have been about in my early 20s and he said that I Iooked younger than I did when the photo was taken; I would have been about 16 at the time of the photograph.
I am assuming that it was the make-up that I was wearing and/or my hair style that was making me look a bit older? I will speak in more detail regarding make-up/foundation, etc., in later videos/pages.
So, maybe this girl at the bus stop had a point…lol.
If something similar has happened to you, try not to let it bother you for very long, it’s hard, I know; people say silly things every day but it can affect you more, especially if you do look a bit different from everyone else.
You can do this, stay strong, and we’ll chat soon.