Hi, you are “face to face with Shell”.
As you will probably know by now, I was severely burned in a gas explosion when I was thirteen years old; most affected was my face, neck, arms, and hands (my right hand receiving fourth degree burns, resulting in me losing parts of my fingers).
Whatever has happened to you, there will be lasting effects. I want to talk about how being burned affected me afterwards; in terms of having to face fire again.
Even after I was discharged from hospital, it took me a long time to even be near fire; even if it was on television. I couldn’t even bare anyone to strike a match near me for some time afterwards.
I was lucky, as the village where I lived did not have gas in it, until a few years later but my maternal grandmother did have gas in her house and I could smell it all the time. It used to really freak me out.
I am going to talk about a few instances in this series; the first one happened on “Guy Fawkes Night”/”Bonfire Night”. It has just passed the fifth of November. If you have celebrated Guy Fawkes night, I hope you have had a happy and safe one.
For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Guy Fawkes story; please click on the link below:
https://www.history.co.uk/article/history-of-bonfire-night
PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THESE PAGES/VIDEOS MAY CAUSE TRIGGERS!
Please watch this video and read on for more information and another video:
The first story that I am going to tell you happened a few months after I was burned. I was on “pass” from the Burns Unit; before I was fully discharged, the time I spent away from the Unit would be built-up from afternoons to weekends. It was during one of these times that friends of our family had got tickets for an organised fireworks display to celebrate “Bonfire Night”. When I was told about the tickets and that we would be going along, I was filled with fear. I was only a few months into my recovery. What? I was going to a fireworks display? The fireworks would make a loud bang and there would be a bonfire. I wasn’t looking forward to it at all but went along with it. Bearing in mind I had been in a gas explosion only a few months beforehand, which started with a loud bang.
As I have explained, my right hand was the most severely burned; I had received fourth degree burns and parts of my fingers had been burned off, therefore my fingers were obviously very sore; my hand was in the very early stages of healing.
My parents had bought me a new winter jacket, which was great for keeping the cold out but the sleeves had elastic at the bottom of them; meaning that I had to get my very sore right hand through the sleeve and through the elastic at the bottom. This could not be done without it being painful, no matter how hard we tried.
Our family friends had arrived at our house, so that we could all go along together to the fireworks display. By the time everyone arrived, I still hadn’t managed to get the jacket on. I was getting upset, as it was painful trying to get my injured hand through the sleeve of my jacket. My mum was getting annoyed with me, as I was keeping everyone waiting. All eyes were on me, with the others looking on as if to say; “come on”. I eventually got my hand through but it just hurt so much.
So we got to the “bonfire” site and I was terrified. I was so scared that something would go wrong and I would be burned again. I kept hanging back but everybody else wanted to get a bit closer. The banging of the fireworks, the heat of the bonfire on my face, it was terrible, and I couldn’t wait for the evening to be over.
There was a little girl in front of me who was crying and her dad was speaking to her, trying to comfort her; although probably about ten years between us, I felt just like that little girl…I even remember her name to this day.
I didn’t want to say too much, as I felt that I had already caused enough trouble that night and didn’t want to cause anymore. I felt like no one understood what I was going through.
The only person that I have spoken to of this instance up until now, has been Chris, my husband.
How should I have handled it? I should have spoken to my parents about how I felt. I really didn’t want to go but felt that I would be letting others down if I didn’t go. Maybe they just didn’t realise how scared I was? Maybe they thought that by going to the fireworks display, it would help me to do a “normal” thing and that this would be a part of the “healing” process? It was just far too soon for me. Maybe it was a case of, they just did not think at all?
The lesson to be learned here is TALK TO EACH OTHER. No one is really going to know how you feel unless you speak up.
BURN SURVIVOR REMEMBERS THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER
Please watch the video below and read on:
About a year after I published this page, I thought more about that first “Bonfire Night”, as the fifth of November drew closer again. I started to reflect back; I really should have not gone that night and should have tried to explain why I didn’t want to go. Then I thought; “should I really have had to explain”? I was never asked how I felt about going, I was just told that we were going.
My message to other burn survivors is; don’t let people push you into anything. I know I have said this before and I know we need pushed in the right direction sometimes but it can take years to get over what has happened. It may take years before you stop jumping at loud bangs and not want to be near fire. This is all part of the healing process and everyone will take different amounts of time to feel “at ease” with different situations.
I should have spoken up. I am sure everyone would not have been happy with me but I was terrified and no one seemed to be aware of this, all they seemed to be bothered about was getting to the bonfire and fireworks as soon as possible.
Hindsight is a great thing, I actually should have spoken up before the actual “Bonfire Night” arrived and should have maybe stayed with someone else that night, and let everyone else go and enjoy themselves, without me getting upset. Why should I spoil everyone else’s fun? There was a way around this, so that everyone could be happy.
To anyone that has a burn warrior in their life, as that is what we are, we have fought through very tough times to get where we are…just have a little understanding about what they might be going through and if they don’t want to do something, stop and think why?
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HAVE A SAFE “BONFIRE NIGHT”?
As we cannot have organised displays in 2020 because of Coronavirus, more people will think about having fireworks in their own gardens.
I was listening to a Fire Office the other day on the television urging people to rethink this and not to have fireworks at their own homes, however, if they were still going to let off fireworks in their own gardens; he urged people to please take every safety precautions; i.e., make sure that there is enough space in their garden for people to stay a safe distance away, and also to purchase fireworks from a reputable supplier.
SO WHAT CAN YOU DO TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU STILL HAVE FUN?
Have a safe fire pit; many people have fire pits in their gardens nowadays. Gather round it with toffee apples, marshmallows, etc., there are lots of lovely treats in the shops at the moment. Tell campfire stories, talk about why we are “celebrating” this night. It can still be an enjoyable time.
PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW FOR SAFETY INFORMATION:
https://www.firescotland.gov.uk/your-safety/fireworks-safety.aspx